Youngest sister is in a snit over sibling back-stabbing

D D ear Diane: I am the youngest of nine children, and my problem iswith one of my sisters.

My boyfriend and I have been dating for six years. We plan tomarry but are not rushing things because I am not in my career spotyet.

My family accepts him - except for one sister. She is goingaround behind my back telling my other sisters that he is no good.She has even told my father something bad about him. However, shedidn't succeed in spoiling things with my family, because they stilllike him.

I guess she is doing this because she has been with so many guysand none of them treated her kindly. Her so-called marriage was amistake, too. I believe she has a hard time seeing her little sisterstaying with one man.

I have already told my boyfriend about her, and he said the bestthing is to let it be, that some people learn things the hard way.

Diane, this family back-stabbing hurts me very much. I am thekind of person who holds things in until I just explode. What can Ido? TEMPERATURE RISING

Dear T.R.: Don't explode. And don't retaliate by pointing outthe losers she dated and married - you'd only be escalating the war,raising your temperature and hers.

Handle your anger by confronting your sister. Tell her whatyou've heard. Ask her to comment about your boyfriend to you, not toothers in the family.

Most sisters have some competitive feelings toward each other.When you were children, scrambling for the best seat at the table orvying for the best grade in math helped prepare you for grown-upscrambles on the job and in the subway. But now that you are adults,competition with siblings isn't helpful. It blocks communication anddestroys closeness.

Lower your emotional thermostat and your sister's with somefrank discussion.

Dear Diane: I found out that "Mike," a man I've known for twoyears and have deep feelings for, is marrying a woman he gotpregnant. He does not love her. He is just very old-fashioned.

I tried talking him out of marriage, but he still thinks it'sthe right thing to do. If he took the chance to get to know mebetter, he would feel as I do. What should I do? CONFUSED HEART

Dear C.H.: So this guy needs a marriage counselor and itshould be you, hmm? Unh-unh.

Your friend is soon to be a father. He may say he doesn't lovehis bride-to-be, but only the two of them really know whether it'slove or obligation.

When someone announces plans to marry, it's a way of saying,"I'm no longer available." Your dream that you and he would makebeautiful music together is pretty unrealistic. It's also too late.

Wish him well and seek true love elsewhere.

Dear Diane: I am a "rebate aficionado" who thinks there areimportant problems that manufacturers and vendors should address.Some of the problems are: When they promise a certain amount in rebate, but instead of acheck, you get coupons. When they want a receipt. Do they think that when we shop, we areable to get separate receipts for each item? When it's impossible to soak off the necessary label without havingit tear. This is especially difficult when the Universal ProductCode symbol is placed at the bottom of the label and the label is onthe very end of the jar. When it's only one to a name or to an address. If we buy theproduct and are faithful consumers of that brand, we should be ableto send away for as many offers as we have proofs. When they splash "Free Offer" but in small print they add an amountfor postage and handling. Much better to say "free plus postage andhandling."

Manufacturers and vendors should realize that if the purpose ofthe incentive offer is to encourage the purchase of their item, theywill only succeed if the purchasers feel they are getting theirmoney's worth. SHIRLEY S.